X-Mas & Man Covers

It's that time of year again, and I have opened the polls to see how long the neighbors will keep Santa inflated this year. Considering I live in a completely different state it may be a vast difference in decoration longevity rules around here. But I doubt it. So I am calling April for the month that Santa finally comes down. You all let me know how the rest goes.

I heard that the Oscar's are going to be affected by the writer's strike, and I laughed. That's right I laughed. I look forward to watching the Oscar Ceremony this year with out writers, I think it will be terribly interesting.

I was driving across the Causeway bridge the other day, and I noticed man hole covers, and I was forced to think 'Why?' (For those of you that have no idea what I am referring to, the Causeway is the longest bridge in the world. And it is pretty darn cool.) Anyhow, so there I am cruising along at 70 when I notice a man hole cover, and at first I think, well obviously they are there so maintenance can be performed on the bridge, but then I noticed all of the special ladders built in for this purpose. So I started thinking, why have them? Why have them all over the bridge? Is there something special down there? Hmm, maybe that is the door to Neverworld. Fitting it would be in Louisiana.

This Space Reserved

I am not sure if Walgreen's all over the country or just the ones near me have started doing this but I am very amused. There are now signs up at Walgreen's above the two nearest parking spaces (aside from the handicapped) next to the doors that say 'Reserved for expecting mothers only'. I am guessing that this is because when you become pregnant you lose the use of your legs. Or it could possibly be because of the many times that we have all heard women scream "My water broke, quick take me to Walgreen's!", that would definitely explain it. What ever the oh-so-obvious reasoning might be behind this parking transformation it leads to the possibility of a great 'breaking the news' kind of scenario. Ladies, if you have a sense of humor and you are pregnant I strongly encourage you to make use of these parking spots as a way to break the pregnancy news to someone...anyone. Because in my mind that must be what the true purpose behind them really is.

My hiatus last month was brought to us by the Little Man's birthday, visiting family, and MySpace.

I am a coffee fool, anyone that knows me knows that as a fact. More so though, I am a coffee snob I order my whole bean and have it vacuum sealed and shipped to me. No problem there, I drink some awesome coffee ordered through a great vendor. My problem has been in trying to find espresso that lives up to my coffee. I am open to suggestions.

Hallow's Eve in the Crescent City

Anyone who has ever spent any time in New Orleans will tell you that it is a world unto itself. Most places of great size have defining trade marks and cultures that make them cities unlike any other, but at least when you're there everything still has the familiar quality that ties it in to the rest of the country we know so well. New Orleans lacks that familiarity. Everything is different down here folks. Strange and beautiful with a strong undertone of tragedy and a high over tone of showman ship. new Orleans is a city that has seen disaster after disaster, and unfortunately I believe that some part of it is just waiting for the next great moment of sorrow, something else that will work it's way in to the amazing tapestry that is the city's history. Now, with that said, can you imagine the city at Halloween? Ah, the Garden District transforms in to a layer of spider webs and ghouls and everything takes on this aire of anticipation. I love it. Not to mention Magazine Street has some pretty awesome costume shops on it!

It has been a long week but good on my end. I survive well in the corporate world and it is at the end of a week like this when I can remember that.

This post is terribly short because I find it necessary to run out the door and live. The little man's birthday is right around the corner and I must go get scary party supplies for a Halloween themed party. That's my boy, loves Halloween as much as The Sig and I do. but then again I'm not sure what I should expect from someone who is turning five. Although I must say if that kid decides to change the design of his cake one more time I'm going to scream!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like...

I know my absence has been long and painful, but fear not I have not been eaten by an alligator nor have I been dragged in to the murky Louisiana swamps by a swamp monster. No I have just been dealing with ridiculous Charter Cable and their absolute refusal to follow up on a order that I have had in for cable Internet. They failed to show up for installation so many times they blocked my phone number...seriously. And now that I am back in the world of the technologically normal I can once again delight you with my observances of the utter ridiculous.

Let's start with the fact that I walked in to the dreaded Walmart in the middle of September to find the employees hanging Christmas decorations. I also found this phenomenon in Walgreens. You need a good laugh, just walk in to one of the Wal-stores and check out the giant inflatable Santa hanging out next to the inflatable skeleton on a Harley. Consumer marketing at it's most amusing folks. Although as a parent of a small one this kind of tweeks me the wrong way. Does anyone else have any idea how annoying it is to hear the words "Oh look, Santa! I wonder what he'll bring me this year because I've been so good! Do you think we can buy a pumpkin to carve yet?" Just one more reminder about how much money I spend every year around the holiday seasons. Way to start giving me a minor stroke in September Wal-stores!

On to other fronts, it looks like I'm headed out to California for a visit next month. (If everything goes right with my flight) So Californians... and you know who you are... rejoice, I give up.

Living in Louisiana, for those of you who have wondered about our move, has been pretty great. There's really nothing like working in the Central Business District in New Orleans. I often lunch on Magazine in the Garden District, or walk to the French Quarter for some exercise. Good times. But we don't live in the city, and that is wonderful to me. We live in a nice house that seems to be a refuge to tree frogs. Considering how much our family likes frogs we are all doing just fine with this arrangement. The only thing that slightly bothers me is that our house is haunted, but then again we are in the creepiest state in the U.S. so I really don't know why I expected any less.

And since so much has happened in the news since I last spoke out I doubt that I will say much. I must comment on one thing though, and that's Brittney Spears.

For those of you that do not understand or know about my intense fascination with Brittney lets just say that I have always felt like someone sitting at a train station waiting and watching for that moment a switch was accidentally missed and the train derailed in to a fire ball of chaos. Little did I know that at Spears station more trains would keep being sent in to prevent the passengers from being late. I almost called the only other person I know is enjoying this fiasco as much as I am to say "Oh my God, K-Fed got the kids!!!" Brittney, thanks for keeping us entertained.

It's Hard To Say Good-Bye

I leave tomorrow, and today has been a very emotional day for me. I had to post something, so this is it.

I will post again on the other side of a very long move.

I Know A Fat Chick Who Digs Mayonnaise

I look at the diets of my friends around me who complain about their weight and I am forced to wonder if they realize how fattening mayonnaise is. My diet lacks in things, I have lapses of judgement, splurges, and sometimes even mayonnaise. I am not above turning the hard core finger upon myself, but the day I start dipping fast food into mayo like it was made to be a dipping sauce then I want someone to harpoon me, because I'm going to need it. Blah. And don't even get me started on the rest of the perks that we are taking as glorified liberties with our eating habits. For example, ranch dressing is like mayonnaise, not everything is meant to be dipped in it. Not all food has to be fried, really it doesn't. I swear to you in the south you can get corn on the cob fried, it's just wrong. Vegetables are your friends as long as they are not deep fried and smothered in gravy. I believe in fried foods, gravy, ranch,and even mayonnaise but I do not believe they need to be eaten with every meal. Then there is bar-b-que sauce, nothing needs to be drowned in this tasty sauce. And if you partake in these foods entirely too much, do us all a favor and adjust your wardrobe accordingly. Please.

On moving news, I will be fleeing my current state and venturing farther south at the end of next week. I am very stressed out, very busy, and I think it might be possible that I could snap at any minute.

On snapping at any minute news, I am amazed that I managed to keep my composure (translates in to cursing at the top of my lungs instead of following every stupid rubber necker in front of me to where ever they where going and planting car bombs on their vehicles.) That is definitely the only thing I will not miss about this area! The way people drive in this entire state is amazingly stupid. Anyway, I was driving in to work yesterday and all of the sudden traffic comes to a halt on the interstate, I think 'Great another wreck.' People around here are awful about rubber necking. Boy was I wrong. Those idiots were stopping because there was a cop on the side of the highway, just sitting there. I'm sorry, but when in the hell did a police vehicle become a stop sign??? He should have given them a ticket for blocking traffic, and another for being stupid! I still want to hurt these people. But I'm just happy I managed to keep that vessel in my forehead from blowing. Yay for me.

Now...On to regular news.
Has everyone heard about Alec Baldwin? Everyone heard the tape that was leaked out by Kim Basingers' lawyers mother? Anyone left think he is still a nice guy? Amazing how insane some people can go even though they have the money for proper treatment. Sad really.

Aside from crazy celebrities there is real news out there. Of course we have all heard about the college massacre. A horrible moment for our country's history. My condolences to all the victims friends and family. Am I the only one that feels that the college needs some kind of emergency plan of action for the evacuation of the school due to crazies? Might be good to draw up, just in case. You know it does not seem very likely that an attack will happen at a school more then once, but it seems like their track record is not that great so they might just want to prepare for the worst and hope for they best. Sad that so many lives were lost, and even more futures altered, lives changed, and dreams destroyed. What are we becoming when something like this happens in our schools, to the youth of our country, the people who will make our future?

Another atrocity that I feel needs to have wider coverage is the story of the young journalism major at Columbia University. She was held captive, tortured and continuously raped for 19 hours on April 13th. I encourage you all to go to MSNBC and read the full article under the crime and punishment section. The guy cut her eye lids and then set the futon she was tied to on fire. The least we could do is recognize her case, and her attacker.

On to personal screwing with people news~ I believe that screwing with people might be my soul purpose in life, and if you do it right it not only adds amusement to your day but to the day of the screwie as well. For example, just start asking for random odd condiments if you get fast food or take out. Ask for mustard when you get a yogurt at McDonalds, or better yet ranch. Demand salsa with your sopapilla, or soy with your coconut ice cream. Give them something to talk about. Walk in to Fed-Ex and ask them how you could mail a gerbil, then ask them if it would help if it was dead. Intentionally get a ticket from a campus cop, then go to court to contest it. When the campus patrol man does not show up present your side of the case as a 'getting me back for calling him a rent-a-cop' motive. The judge will have a good laugh and the ticket will be thrown out (trust me). These things are a interesting way of channeling all that awful soul destroying stress we all get. Plus, I'm sure we have all had days where some one has done something so off for that situation you kept revisiting it in your minds eye and it brought with it a healthy laugh. Spread the laughter. Alec Baldwin could stand to do something odd like that every once in a while, it would help.

Slacker

I'm sure most of you, dear readers, are close to giving up on me. I have left a void where my sarcastic daily rant would normally be, and though you think I'm ignoring you, I swear I am not. My dearest readers, I have been buried under the shit storm that is moving to another state. If any of you have had a turn of events that has brought about a very large move for you then I am sure you understand. However, the person reading this and nodding thinking to him/her self 'I've done that!' when all you did was make a hour move, you need to stop thinking you understand. You need to stop right now because you don't. In fact, unless you have made a move of no less then 12 hours one way then I do not want to have you come up to me while I am putting my life in boxes and tell me about your harrowing journey of one hour away. Especially if I was the one that helped you move. That was really only aimed at a handful of people, most have enough common sense just to say, "Wow Wickkett, that sucks. Need help with that box?" That is what most people would do how ever I seem to be surrounded by morons lately. I get the feeling that the IQ of the public is lessening as my stress level is growing. But come on I know it's not all just me and I will give you examples.

1. A guy called me the other day and asked me how to spell Joe. It would have been a little more understandable if this was not his second time to ask. I almost said, "T-E-D, Joe." But he probably would have started writing out Ted on everything.
2. A whole bunch of people thought that Donald Trump would lose a bet, and a staged bet at that. I bring this up though and what do you think happens? I have a group of people trying to defend the validity of wrestling.
3. People keep calling me and beginning the conversation with "Duh...duh..." We really should do something to stop the inbreeding.
4.Another brilliant phone call was actually received by a friend and co-worker of mine, but since the perp is the ever present thorn in my ass I must repeat his crime here. He called and asked her what his phone said, he wanted to check his caller ID title, however he just asked her what his phone said. I blew a nut when I heard this, the proper answer to that question is -Ring Ring-!

Now these are just four run of the mill examples. I have to drive to that far off distant state we are moving to tomorrow so I'm sure I will have far more tales of stupidity to bring back to you. Yes, I'm leaving tomorrow during work to drive for a unhealthy amount of time by my onesies so I can catch a few hours sleep and then go and interview at a few places. After trying to charm people on very little sleep I then get to catch a few more hours sleep before waking up and driving back. This wouldn't be too bad if my CD player worked. Right now it is not just broken, but spiteful as well turning on at random moments and picking out the most hateful lyrics possible to spit at me before turning back off to leave me in confusion and anger. Anger more then the confusion now that I know what it is up to. When I finally make it back to my house, exhausted, and road worn, it will be time to hang out with the Sig while I can and then after what I'm sure will be another night of very little sleep it will be Easter. Easter, and our little man will be hunting eggs and all the things that Easter is great for doing when you are a kid. Then my family is going to come over, for what will probably be the last holiday I spend with them for awhile. In other words dear readers, like I said before, I am buried under the shit storm of moving. Other then that I will move on to the news.

The coyote in the Quiznos. Am I the only one that wishes this pup had felt more in the mood for a beer? How great would it have been if he had found his way in to a bar and hopped up on the counter instead of the cooler? I know a few people would have been convinced they had been slipped something in their drink. My view on it, the furry guy just wanted a sandwich, who doesn't from time to time.

The next bit of news was not as wide spread as the coyote business, but just as interesting. A 700 lb woman had to be cut out of her house the other day. She had fallen and needed emergency assistance. As the emergency personnel cut her out of her house she was reported to have a very pleasant attitude and joked about the situation. My initial reaction to this story was a thought that I know a woman well on the road to this situation, it will happen shortly after she eats her husband for not dividing up the food to the portions she feels is equal. The only difference, no one will ever know she needs help because she will refuse to use the phone due to some strange mental issue. My second reaction, I am rather amazed that a 700 pound woman was up walking around. Her legs must be really strong.