The Little Man asked me why we didn’t have a fancy alarm on our house the other day, and I told him we did. Very confused he tried to tell me that we did not. I told him yet again, very matter of factly, that yes we did. Finally he asked me what I meant. I told him our alarm was named Boo-Boo and she serves the purpose very well. I then had to explain further. Finally he agreed that she is a pretty good little alarm and the matter was put to rest. The matter was re-visited the next day while I was at work. The Sig called me and I could hear Boo in the back ground barking her little head off. Apparently some one was mowing their yard and she did not agree, but my Little Man walks by The Sig’s office pokes his head in and tells him very nonchalantly, “The alarm is going off.” The Sig and I were very amused. The kid is a mess.
So, I have seen quite a few unmarked ‘fish’ trucks all over the are lately. What exactly is a unmarked ‘fish’ truck, you might ask. Well dear reader that is a fabulous question. As far as I can tell a ‘fish’ truck is a large white truck of moving van size or larger with no markings on it what so ever a side from the word ‘fish’ printed in blue in small italics on the back. And naturally since I am so morbid the first thing that comes into my mind is one question…I wonder if there are dead bodies in that truck. I am not sure where I think the bodies are coming from, upon further review I think well, maybe they would be bodies in hidden storage from Katrina (and don’t think that it is not possible and still happening) or maybe it has something to do with the mob. That always brings the thoughts of one criminal or official saying, “No boss, I have the perfect idea. See we move it in a truck that says ‘fish’ on the back. No one will question that! It can’t go wrong.” By the time I make it to the destination my imagination has become the out of control train that has led my own body to the back of one of the ‘fish’ trucks due to my snooping questions. I don’t like those trucks, they’re beginning to really screw with my head.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Please Do Not Urinate on the Seat
Alright, we all know that I am not the delicate type. I am brass, straight forward, blunt, and extremely sarcastic. At work my sarcasm spills over into the halls like the rain flooding my front yard right now. But I will tolerate quite a bit before I just say screw it and draw the line in the sand. The perfect example of my point would be the bathrooms at work. I work in a very nice building with very nice bathrooms, well they were nice until the phantom pee-er came along and then before I know it there is pee every where. Yes, every where. Well, I have been working late quite regularly these days and the last thing I do before getting in to my car is stop off in the bathrooms and when I am tired from a long day of work I am not focused on looking for pee on a every surface. This scenario managed to play out twice before I hung signs clearly visible in every area of our bathroom. The signs are polite and yet too the point "Do Not Urinate on the Seats." (And I should have thrown in 'or on anything else' but it was a moot point.) The signs, though they caused a small scandal with the mystery over who hung them, seemed to work for a few weeks. A few weeks, but a few weeks is not forever. That was the line in the sand people, and the phantom pee-er has crossed it. Soon the signs are going to be changed, soon the signs are going to get mean, and soon I will be arrested for hanging out in the bathroom trying to catch said phantom in the act. This does not bode well. I know you will be waiting in anticipation to see how this goes.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Least You Could Do
One of my dearest and oldest friends told me the other day that he is going to be getting married soon. I couldn’t be happier for him, if anyone I know deserves a happy marriage he does, but as most news does it made me reflect on some things. I started thinking about all of my friends and ex-lovers that are now married or about to be married and though I am insanely happy for all of them I couldn’t help but feel a little put off. No one could join some form of religious order requiring them to marry a god and live a life of celibacy secretly pining away for me for the rest of their lives? I mean, come on, my ego could have used that! When ever I ended a relationship they were destroyed, though of course we would either stay friends or try to pick the friendship up again over the years. As friends even though I gave little thought to it, I would watch or even help them move on becoming a stronger person with out my over powering influence exuding that much control over their lives. I am still extremely close with quite a few of these people, and I am very happy for them that they have moved on to lead a happier life. Still, some one could have gone off and lived a life of religious celibacy because I was too difficult to forget. I guess in a way we all want to be the one that is unforgettable, irreplaceable, even if we have moved on to a better happier lives ourselves.
In other news I am going to the opera tonight with a buisness associate. I am thrilled, to see Puccini sung live in Italian is an unforgettable sight.
Now it is off to the gym. Before that though, I tried a new product this morning that I have to say is absolutely amazing. It is called Soyrizo it tastes just like Chorizo except it is about 100 times less likely to give you a heart attack over years of use. Just had to share. Ta.
In other news I am going to the opera tonight with a buisness associate. I am thrilled, to see Puccini sung live in Italian is an unforgettable sight.
Now it is off to the gym. Before that though, I tried a new product this morning that I have to say is absolutely amazing. It is called Soyrizo it tastes just like Chorizo except it is about 100 times less likely to give you a heart attack over years of use. Just had to share. Ta.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Uncomfortable Silences
Am I the only person that hates elevators? I think that they might be designed as a type of torture devise. I work on the thirteenth floor of the second largest building in New Orleans, this roughly translates in to riding in a elevator at least twice a day. Standing there with a group of people refusing to talk to each other, or look at each other, unless of course you get stuck in the elevator with that one creepy guy. You know the one I'm talking about, the guy with no understanding of personal space who will intentionally turn away from the door and stare at you, breath mint close, creepy. Or you could just get stuck with one person, both of you appraising the other and wondering if you are being judged. Then there is always the standing rule about getting off of your cell phone when you step in to an elevator that always makes me wonder, who comes up with these rules? Is there a book somewhere I should know about? It also makes me want to start really screwing with people, you know take a step closer to them with every floor that passes and when we are breath mint close say 'Hello.' You know, something like that. Give a knew definition to reaching out and touching someone. Poke them and say 'Tag you're it!' It only makes sense that if we are going to uncomfortable we might as well have a reason. My new goal...make the day a little stranger for the people in the elevator with me. Oh, and let's not even approach the subject of passing gas in the elevator.
I had a strange dream the other night about an old friend of mine that fell by the way side over the years. We had issues, things that just build up over time left unmentioned due to the others insecurities. Things that with time are just unacceptable to the other person about their friends character. In short it was what happens when you are unable to tell your friend that they are acting like a jackass because they take themselves too seriously. It is a shame too because no matter what I will always love her crazy ass, despite the bitterness. Still, I had this dream the other night that she and her husband were going through a horrible divorce and she was upset and needed help. When I woke up I was disturbed and wanted to call her to make sure she was alright. It was in that moment that I realized that despite our falling out I missed her. Sure there have been times where I would hear things or see things that brought up her memory and know she was happy or upset by them, but it was different. For example the Oscars tonight being hosted by Jon Stewart will have her on cloud nine, or the fact that there has been a clothing line based off of David Bowie might actually convince her to go shopping. These thoughts aside the other day was the first time that I actually felt concern for her well being, or her husbands, in a few years. After coming to terms with this renewed, or just re-realized emotions, I do hope they are alright where ever they are. I hope they are healthy, happy, and I hope they are better now then when we parted ways. I guess given enough time even my bitterness can begin to fade.
I had a strange dream the other night about an old friend of mine that fell by the way side over the years. We had issues, things that just build up over time left unmentioned due to the others insecurities. Things that with time are just unacceptable to the other person about their friends character. In short it was what happens when you are unable to tell your friend that they are acting like a jackass because they take themselves too seriously. It is a shame too because no matter what I will always love her crazy ass, despite the bitterness. Still, I had this dream the other night that she and her husband were going through a horrible divorce and she was upset and needed help. When I woke up I was disturbed and wanted to call her to make sure she was alright. It was in that moment that I realized that despite our falling out I missed her. Sure there have been times where I would hear things or see things that brought up her memory and know she was happy or upset by them, but it was different. For example the Oscars tonight being hosted by Jon Stewart will have her on cloud nine, or the fact that there has been a clothing line based off of David Bowie might actually convince her to go shopping. These thoughts aside the other day was the first time that I actually felt concern for her well being, or her husbands, in a few years. After coming to terms with this renewed, or just re-realized emotions, I do hope they are alright where ever they are. I hope they are healthy, happy, and I hope they are better now then when we parted ways. I guess given enough time even my bitterness can begin to fade.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Music From the 90's
Let's see... a little update since it has been so horribly long since I posted. The Sig and I went on vacation at the end of December beginning of January which was nice but would have been nicer if I hadn't been so ill. Why was I ill? Because my gallbladder went bad. This is the short of things led to surgery on the Thursday before last. Obviously I am doing much better.
I was going through my closet the other day (apparently I do things like that when recovery from surgery, I don't know why I just do them) and I turned on one of the satellite radio stations that I probably do not use as much as I should. I found a 90's station and changed it approprietly to the music I listened to in highschool and still enjoy a great deal. I expected Nirvana, Pearl Jam, STP, Smashing Pumpkins, and all of the other great bands that started the grunge movement that defines my generation. I was shocked to get on Foo Fighters song and nothing else but a bunch of songs that conjured up many forgotten memories of my changing the radio station in my car cursing at the gods of music for allowing "Hit me Baby one More Time" to find its way to my ears. I was amazed at how many crappy songs rolled across before I finally changed the channel. It was the Spice Girls "If You Want to Be My Lover" that finally broke the camels back (thinking about that I'm comparing myself to a camel and I don't think I like it) that was the last straw (that's better)the sassy british vocals brought with it a memory of driving with my old highscool chum aptly tilted 'Little Gay David' in a VW Beattle and he singing that song as loud as he could while tearing up the California highways. I must have been pretty loaded at the time since I am pretty sure I was singing it too. By the way has anyone else ever realized that they were behaving far more zesty than they normally would while with a smaller peppy-er person? Anyway, I digress, so there I am sitting on my bed holding a shirt having a very vivid flashback of my youth that probably could have remained a memory long buried only to reappear in regression sessions of therapy that will probably be brought on at my 45th birthday when I fully intend to have a mental breakdown at the realization that my youth has passed me by. Until then I will just stay away from the spice girls and 90's music stations.
On a similar note, I ran down the street the other day to buy a smoothie. I suppose it was my own fault for going around 3:30, but given I never really think about school hours since like most dregs I'm normally at work. Anyway I find myself waiting for my smoothie surrounded by teenagers, as any adult knows this is generally an annoyance, and as any teenager knows they are rebelling against the man which all adults symbolize and since they had the numbers the adults were the true annoyance and unwanted invaders of their space. As I climbed into the Honda the Sig turned to me and said "Do you realize there were kids in there that can drive that were born in the 90's?" It would have almost have been as commical if the Sig had said "Hey look over there!" and punched me in the face. So in return I turned to the Sig and said "Do you realize our child is growing up in a world where Kurt Cobain is dead?" I probably shouldn't have said that, I didn't like the way he went all white in the face. Ah well, the world keeps turning.
I was going through my closet the other day (apparently I do things like that when recovery from surgery, I don't know why I just do them) and I turned on one of the satellite radio stations that I probably do not use as much as I should. I found a 90's station and changed it approprietly to the music I listened to in highschool and still enjoy a great deal. I expected Nirvana, Pearl Jam, STP, Smashing Pumpkins, and all of the other great bands that started the grunge movement that defines my generation. I was shocked to get on Foo Fighters song and nothing else but a bunch of songs that conjured up many forgotten memories of my changing the radio station in my car cursing at the gods of music for allowing "Hit me Baby one More Time" to find its way to my ears. I was amazed at how many crappy songs rolled across before I finally changed the channel. It was the Spice Girls "If You Want to Be My Lover" that finally broke the camels back (thinking about that I'm comparing myself to a camel and I don't think I like it) that was the last straw (that's better)the sassy british vocals brought with it a memory of driving with my old highscool chum aptly tilted 'Little Gay David' in a VW Beattle and he singing that song as loud as he could while tearing up the California highways. I must have been pretty loaded at the time since I am pretty sure I was singing it too. By the way has anyone else ever realized that they were behaving far more zesty than they normally would while with a smaller peppy-er person? Anyway, I digress, so there I am sitting on my bed holding a shirt having a very vivid flashback of my youth that probably could have remained a memory long buried only to reappear in regression sessions of therapy that will probably be brought on at my 45th birthday when I fully intend to have a mental breakdown at the realization that my youth has passed me by. Until then I will just stay away from the spice girls and 90's music stations.
On a similar note, I ran down the street the other day to buy a smoothie. I suppose it was my own fault for going around 3:30, but given I never really think about school hours since like most dregs I'm normally at work. Anyway I find myself waiting for my smoothie surrounded by teenagers, as any adult knows this is generally an annoyance, and as any teenager knows they are rebelling against the man which all adults symbolize and since they had the numbers the adults were the true annoyance and unwanted invaders of their space. As I climbed into the Honda the Sig turned to me and said "Do you realize there were kids in there that can drive that were born in the 90's?" It would have almost have been as commical if the Sig had said "Hey look over there!" and punched me in the face. So in return I turned to the Sig and said "Do you realize our child is growing up in a world where Kurt Cobain is dead?" I probably shouldn't have said that, I didn't like the way he went all white in the face. Ah well, the world keeps turning.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
X-Mas & Man Covers
It's that time of year again, and I have opened the polls to see how long the neighbors will keep Santa inflated this year. Considering I live in a completely different state it may be a vast difference in decoration longevity rules around here. But I doubt it. So I am calling April for the month that Santa finally comes down. You all let me know how the rest goes.
I heard that the Oscar's are going to be affected by the writer's strike, and I laughed. That's right I laughed. I look forward to watching the Oscar Ceremony this year with out writers, I think it will be terribly interesting.
I was driving across the Causeway bridge the other day, and I noticed man hole covers, and I was forced to think 'Why?' (For those of you that have no idea what I am referring to, the Causeway is the longest bridge in the world. And it is pretty darn cool.) Anyhow, so there I am cruising along at 70 when I notice a man hole cover, and at first I think, well obviously they are there so maintenance can be performed on the bridge, but then I noticed all of the special ladders built in for this purpose. So I started thinking, why have them? Why have them all over the bridge? Is there something special down there? Hmm, maybe that is the door to Neverworld. Fitting it would be in Louisiana.
I heard that the Oscar's are going to be affected by the writer's strike, and I laughed. That's right I laughed. I look forward to watching the Oscar Ceremony this year with out writers, I think it will be terribly interesting.
I was driving across the Causeway bridge the other day, and I noticed man hole covers, and I was forced to think 'Why?' (For those of you that have no idea what I am referring to, the Causeway is the longest bridge in the world. And it is pretty darn cool.) Anyhow, so there I am cruising along at 70 when I notice a man hole cover, and at first I think, well obviously they are there so maintenance can be performed on the bridge, but then I noticed all of the special ladders built in for this purpose. So I started thinking, why have them? Why have them all over the bridge? Is there something special down there? Hmm, maybe that is the door to Neverworld. Fitting it would be in Louisiana.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
This Space Reserved
I am not sure if Walgreen's all over the country or just the ones near me have started doing this but I am very amused. There are now signs up at Walgreen's above the two nearest parking spaces (aside from the handicapped) next to the doors that say 'Reserved for expecting mothers only'. I am guessing that this is because when you become pregnant you lose the use of your legs. Or it could possibly be because of the many times that we have all heard women scream "My water broke, quick take me to Walgreen's!", that would definitely explain it. What ever the oh-so-obvious reasoning might be behind this parking transformation it leads to the possibility of a great 'breaking the news' kind of scenario. Ladies, if you have a sense of humor and you are pregnant I strongly encourage you to make use of these parking spots as a way to break the pregnancy news to someone...anyone. Because in my mind that must be what the true purpose behind them really is.
My hiatus last month was brought to us by the Little Man's birthday, visiting family, and MySpace.
I am a coffee fool, anyone that knows me knows that as a fact. More so though, I am a coffee snob I order my whole bean and have it vacuum sealed and shipped to me. No problem there, I drink some awesome coffee ordered through a great vendor. My problem has been in trying to find espresso that lives up to my coffee. I am open to suggestions.
My hiatus last month was brought to us by the Little Man's birthday, visiting family, and MySpace.
I am a coffee fool, anyone that knows me knows that as a fact. More so though, I am a coffee snob I order my whole bean and have it vacuum sealed and shipped to me. No problem there, I drink some awesome coffee ordered through a great vendor. My problem has been in trying to find espresso that lives up to my coffee. I am open to suggestions.
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