I'd Be Happier With Gills

I'm hacking myself to death in my office today. Bronchitis, and pleurisy, and it sucks. This bout of horrible lung junk comes directly after I made a comment over how happy I was about making it through 2006 with out a case of either. Brightest bulb in the box, tempting the fates like that! So I hack, and I curse a bit, then I hack some more.
My observation today is about the Wii. Now may I ask the biggest question, that I'm sure all gamers on the hunt for a Wii are asking, why does the all mighty video game god hate me? It must be hate that has caused this mass shortage of the Wii. I have sacrificed many hours at his temple of Grand Theft Auto, Kingdom Hearts 2, Fable, and Katamari this year, were they not enough? Oh, Lyle god of video games, why hast thou forsaken us? The loyal and true gamers! Why? WHY??? Seriously though, this is ridiculous. Anyone looking for a Wii right now can tell you that they are only available on auction sites, being sold by greedy heartless people for double the original price. And why are they being sold for that price? Because people are not patient enough to wait for the systems to actually find their ways into the stores. Come on people, Nintendo is all about the money, they are not just going to stop making them, and then point and laugh at those of us who have yet to acquire one. Calm yourselves, be patient! Hold off from making that $600 Wii bid, force the prices to go down on those auction sites. Only in our age do we find ways to cater to impatience and throw our money away at the same time. It's insanity I tell you! And it must stop! That said...I shall move on.
The New Year is right around the corner and I find myself thinking about all the good things that have taken place this year. I make two lists, one for good, and one for bad, usually the good list is much longer then the bad. This year the good is much longer. I'm going to list a few of my good things for you. This is after all the last you will hear from me until 2007 and I feel we should close this year on a positive note, so dear readers, rejoice life is pretty alright.
1. My family. -They are pretty awesome and I am thankful that I have them all in my life, even if they are crazy.
2.I was there! -We lost a friend this year very suddenly, and we all morned, but I am thankful that I am able to say I knew him if even for a little while.
3.My Job. -I recently left my former company's employee (I was skipping out the door) and bravely walked in to a new position at a new company. I was terrified and excited to take the chance, and it payed off in a big way.
4.Good friends. -I had a big year in the 'finding out who your true friends are' department. I found out alright, and as surprising and painful as it might have been, I'm glad to know. The whole experience made me realize that I have more 'good friends' then I thought and a few people that called themselves friends that really were not.
5.Weight Loss. -It's pretty self explanatory.

The list goes on, but you're just going to get the top five, and my New Year's resolution.

-I will try to laugh more, and yell less, and I will try to have more patience with stupid people.-
See you in 2007!

Stop The Bells!

Little man and I were in the parking lot of a very busy store and he managed to pull off quite a trick. He embarrassed me. Embarrassed me to the point that I actually turned red. Let me do a little bit of back ground set up here before I actually go into it. Santa put a much desired antenna topper in my stocking, Guido from the movie Cars. Guido is the little blue fork lift that pulls off a very fast pit stop, he is also my favorite character in the movie. So naturally the topper went on almost immediately. I was, and honestly still am, amused at the little blue guy flying down the road on my antenna. So now you know what Guido is, let me move on with my set up. It was a very busy store and a very large parking lot, and my car is a typical make and model and it's white too boot, so it blends in. In other words...I lose my car in parking lots. Another reason I like Guido. Last part of the set up, I am not a racist person in any way shape or form. I am the result of world trading, and in general I just don't understand treating one person better or worse than any other because of something like race. I say go off of intelligence, or something more practical. Now just remember the set up.
Little man and I were walking through the very busy parking lot looking for my car. I think, brilliantly, to tell the 4 year old to look for the Guido antenna topper. What I don't think about is how he will react when he finds it, screaming with joy "Guido, Guido, I see Guido!" In this insane little high pitched chant that directly brings everyone within a five mile radius to stare at us. But no, that's not bad, what is bad is that he's pointing toward the car. People don't see him pointing at the car or the car topper, they see him pointing at the gentleman walking near my car of very obvious Italian decent. People were stopping in their places to comment about the racist little boy and how terrible it is that he could be raised like that. To make it worse the gentleman walking near my car had stopped and stood agape. As we approached him I could see he was getting ready to say something, but I quickly told my little man, "That's right honey, that's our Guido car antenna topper!" I saw the look of understanding cross the mans face as we proceeded to climb into the car, and I heard him chuckle. So folks, yuck it up at my expense, we all need to remember that things aren't nearly as serious as we take them sometimes. Ah, to have the innocence of a child again.

Are You Kidding?!?!?!

When did people forget that coming to work was not an option, especially if you want to keep your job? And when exactly did my job decide that it was alright for said people to not come in to work, a shtoop me by throwing the stupid hours they were suppose to work on me. Going to the doctor my ass. I hate it when one person does something like this every other day they work. What sucks even more is personally, I really like the a fore mentioned offender. I just wish they would do their job.
So everyone out there...how was your holiday season? Did you party it up? Or did you groove it old fashioned style? We had a very memorable Christmas. Our little man ran down the stairs to only find himself stopped on the landing out of shock. Santa had done it again! The presents were all over, there was even a stuffed monkey hanging from the ceiling fan. We have vaulted ceilings so that took some work on Santa's part. But all the chaos, and confusion brought on with the holiday was made well worth it when I heard him gasp out and his little voice say, "Look at that monkey!!!" Ahhh, good stuff. He got more then a four year old should everything from electronics to play-doh. But he's a very good kid, and hey Christmas comes but once a year! I personally made out like a bandit, and even if I did not receive a Wii I was given the money to buy one once they become available. I was also given books, you can never go wrong giving me a book! Then my parents gave me the most touching gift of all, they gave me all of our family Christmas ornaments. I couldn't help but cry a little. The Sig also made out well. After the present exchanging was finally done and the camera was put away we ate a very, VERY, large meal. You notice no one ever records the family feasting, but just knowing the way I eat I don't blame them!
Well, my day is over, and so am I!

Merry F*cking Christmas

Who is it out there that is directly responsible for the car snafoos that are going to end up causing me to commit murder? It's bad enough that I have to deal with these car morons the rest of the year but it seems like everyone loses their damn mind in a vehicle around the holidays! s/Yeah, the faster you drive the faster Christmas comes! Thank God you figured that out! You're so smart!/s Right and the more you weave in and out of traffic it might help shake loose that reindeer that's up your butt! Let's remember people when we're driving in to our offices or respective jobs in the morning and we all have to deal with the stupid traffic not to be jerks. In the long run it might, and I really mean MIGHT, save you a few minutes drive time, but more likely it's going to cause some sort of injury. Either by a wreck or by someone like me following your ass like the most hard core stalker, waiting until you stop and then wishing you a Merry F*cking Christmas! Peace on earth people, good will towards men...don't ruin the Christmas dream by causing me to go postal.

On to a happier note...
My family became the proud harborers of a Yorkie last night. My parents run a kennel and one of their house dogs has come to stay with us for the time being, but it was pretty clear this morning that this could easily turn in to a permanent situation. She's a pretty cool little dog though, and my son is thrilled. So welcome to the family Boo, you join a pack of 3 humans, two gerbils, and Gorf the Almighty African clod frog. And if I say so myself, she's a pretty great family Christmas present!
How many of you out there are as excited I am about Christmas? I think the most exciting part this year (personally) will be my moms face when she opens her gift. The sig and I managed to acquire a very hard to find 'something' that my mom has been trying to get her hands on for a few years now! Then there is always the excitement about seeing Little Man's face as he runs down stairs to find all the loot Santa left for him. I think I did pretty well by the sig (significant other) this year as well, but it will be nice to see. Present wise I feel like everyone will be very happy with what we got for them this year, and that makes running that person down in the mall parking lot all worth it! Now to be a little greedy, because I'm sure you are all saying to yourselves, 'But Wickkett, what is it you want?' Easy answer...Wii me!
The front will remain quiet until Wednesday, until then I'll be drinking eggnog until I vomit! Happy Christmas!

Disclaimer Plus

Hello all of you out there where ever you are. I throw this up in the first post to warn you... if you failed to catch the title of the blog this is the sarcastic side of life and I am it's ever faithful observant. Anyone that has a problem with the things I feel or say can push off, just remember people, I don't have a gun to your heads here. Now on to other topics!

Have parents lost their minds? I'm sorry, but as a parent I'm beginning to lose faith in my fellow human beings. I read the news every morning and for the last several months it seems like all I hear about is some child being injured or injuring others, and the article or news footage never fails to contain a quote from some misguided parent blaming a form of media or some other influence! HELLO?!?! I swear I feel like slapping a lot of these people. Don't get me wrong, there are some cases out there that the parent has no control of the situation what-so-ever, and my heart goes out to those people. But those are not the parents I am talking about. No...not by far...I'm talking about the people that are payed to let someone violate their child, the sickos that murder their kids because they are considered an inconvenience, and the sad sacks that neglect their children so much that the kids turn to gangs or violent behavior for attention.
I read about baby rapers walking the streets freed from jail on a technicality, the statistics of how many are out there on the loose, or how a judge handed down a sentence that paled in comparison to the crime, and I have to wonder what in the name of everything sacred has happened to our society. Aren't our children suppose to be our future? Are we not, as parents, charged with the duty of protecting, teaching, and instructing our children on how to grow in to decent human beings? Is the judicial system not charged with the duty to show children justice? How can you honestly turn to a little girl that has been repeated molested and tell her 'Sorry honey the man that scarred you for life will go to jail for ten years and then return to the town where you live, and shop in the same grocery store with you. Oh but don't worry, you'll be too old for him by then.' God save the children, and help us survive in the society we will have to survive in when they are our ages. I need to stop reading the news...

I have a crazy next door neighbor. I often wonder if she is on drugs, or if perhaps she needs to be. Due to my own insanity I often keep strange hours, but nothing compared to the nut job that lives across the street from me. I wake up in the middle of the night and decide I need a cigarette to calm my over active nerves (a horrible habit I'm trying to quit) so I head out side. We don't smoke inside. Anyway, I digress, I head out side and one of the first things I notice is that it's two in the morning and my nutty neighbor is digging through her trash, picks something out, and puts it in the van she is obsessed with. I wish this was a isolated incident, but no...all hours of the day and night I've seen her do this. Trash bag goes in, trash bag comes back out, hangs out in her mini-van for awhile, then goes back in to the trash can. That alone is often enough to disturb me, but this lady has to push it even farther. She has an obsession with her mini-van. She will sit in it, load her brood of children into it and just sit there while the little ones scream. She will come out half naked (and trust me this woman should never go anywhere in public with out some severe covering) and drive around the block, or up and down the street a few times. This has become bad enough that when my friends come over they inform me that 'She's at it again.' She needs help, I think we need to band together clothe her and take away the mini-van (and possibly her trashcan) and either enter her in to a rehab or in to a asylum. Just remember if we can't force others to recieve help who will force us when we finally take that lemming like jump in to abiss of insanity?