Letter

Dear Mr. E-Mail Guy-

Thank you for your constant presence in my life, but I am going to have to ask you if we could end this relationship. You see, it has become overly obvious that you know nothing about me! I am not obese, and so therefore I do not need weight loss drugs or surgery. Two things which you seem to think I need a lot of. I do not have horrible skin, or scarring, so I do not need the creams and free ointments you want me to except. My hair is not falling out, and I'm happy it's not. You seem to think it is how ever, and you think I need a special shampoo for this.
I do not need your pity, because I am not desperately broke (most of the time), so please keep your limited time free offers, clearance sales, and one time only deals to yourself. I also know that I may be a lucky person but I am not lucky enough to win all the free things you want to send to me.
Oh, I also do not have a small penis or need my lover to give me longer and stronger nights. With that said please keep your penis e-mails to yourself.
E-Mail guy, it has been a long relationship, and it hurts me because I never just get an e-mail wondering how my day is going or if I am doing well. Instead I have to face the fact that after all of these years you do not know me, and I have to wonder if you ever really did. I have never been the obese, acne ridden, scarred, bald, poor, sadly endowed, sexually unsatisfied, and yet extremely lucky person you seem to think I am. I'm sorry E-mail Guy, but this relationship is over. I know it's hard to except this close to Valentine's Day, but you'll move on, in fact I'm sure you already have.

P.S. - I am still waiting for the flat screen t.v. I won four months ago.

Sincerely,
Wickkett