So Many Kinds Of Wrong

I have known a lot of deviants and sickos in my days, in fact that is a requirement before a person can count themselves amongst my friends. My friends are a different breed of deviant then the ones I always post about up here. I have been unfortunate enough to run across a few that I do expect to read about in the news one day, I suppose that is just a casualty of growing up in California. However the fruit cake I read about in the news today might actually beat all of the deviants and sickos I have known or known of in some strange animal fornicating genre. Dear readers, in today's news I bring you the dead deer f*cker story.

Brian James Hathaway, a man with a new reason behind hunting, has been convicted for having sex with a dead deer. And if you all have the same mental image in your mind that I do then I am sure that you too are wondering exactly how he managed to hold the thing up. Deer are usually heavy and lets face it the only alternative to lifting it up to thrust would be another very awkward and uncomfortable position involving bare knees and a lot of rocks. Oh yeah, I know I'm turned on, I think I'll run out and go hunting right now. As if the dead deer sex wasn't enough, this guy has a prior conviction for killing a horse with the intention of having sex with it. So he's a repeat offender and he is escalating, watch out for your moose around him. He gives a whole new meaning to horse back riding doesn't he? After reading this article and finding myself both equally amused and disturbed I could not help but think, at least it just seems to be a fetish for dead animals. At least it is not a fetish for dead people.

In the normal events of my life, today is one of those days humanity should be happy that I do not carry a gun on me at all times. I would be one of those people who shot a large portion of the herd and then ended my spree in a hail of bullets. Well, not really, but I might shoot one particularly annoying person today in the knee. I prefer to make them suffer.

I have to pack after going to the gym tonight, and my head already hurts just thinking about it. Who in their right mind likes packing? It is the biggest baddest game of tetris out there, except the pieces are not all perfect and they don't flip, drop, or move at the touch of a button. Blah.

I dreamt about the next Harry Potter book last night. They had put it out on the shelves but they were refusing to sell it. For a moment in time, dream world or not, I thought about doing something very unpleasant to a book store. Blasphemy. I woke up feeling guilty.

Must Be Dead

I have decided that there is a mummifying body in a neighborhood next to mine. Why else would the person who occupied it leave a 9ft wire light up snow man up for so long? I think I need to scope out the house and see if there is any activity coming or going, if not I'm sooo calling the cops! I refuse to be that person that is on the news saying things like "Well, we just thought Jeff went on vacation." Actually I would not be interviewed, I would refuse. Has anyone ever seen an interview with a person that lives in a southern state, it doesn't matter how educated you are they are either going to make you sound inbred or in the case of the Weather Channel actually go out and find the family in Deliverance. Yeah, we do not all live in trailers that get blown away by tornadoes while we play the banjo and fornicate with our sister. Don't believe the weather channel, they lie! I do think that I need to ask the cops to investigate this house though. If the guys not dead perhaps they can write him a ticket for being lazy and ridiculously tacky.

I have been on vacation which is my excuse for not posting in a week.

I will also be moving soon, I am not one to post where I live because of the monkeys. Yeah, I know about the monkeys...you thought you had me fooled, but I know. I hate moving though, especially when it is a big move and there are animals involved and I think our house comes close to qualifying as a zoo. Which speaking of animals our female gerbils had babies, I think someone lied to me.

In the news today-
It looks like Anna's boyfriend is going to get away with murder. Sorry, Anna, someone failed you.

Mummified

Mummified bodies keep popping up in the news. Normally they would be people discovered by anthropologists and I would be very excited on the insight provided on their culture by the find. How ever, lately mummified bodies of people from our own culture are being found in their homes left and right leaving me less excited and slightly horrified. I have taken to watching my neighbors to make sure none of them just go absent for a period of time. The moment they do I will be the first person on the phone with the cops to come and investigate what my mind is telling me is the smell of decomposition. I started to think about it quite a bit with the last mummified neighbor discovered down in Texas, I'm sure we can all think of at least one person we know of that could die and go undiscovered. I can think of two right off the top of my head, two very sad friendless people who seem to enjoy a life of drunken self serving solitude. I am sure all of us know some one who needs some kind of social or mental help, or perhaps just someone who is so intolerably self righteous that they have driven off anyone that came close to being a friend. In other words someone who would die and go unnoticed until the tax man came calling. It creeps me out, who knows what house might hold the mummifying corpse of someone I used to see walking around the neighborhood. And really, since there are only two neighbors I talk to it could very easily be going on right now. We are turning in to a reclusive society brought on by random acts of violence and the inability to trust anyone. Sad. The crazy lady across the street has yet to mummify, I would notice if that whack job disappeared. I also take comfort in knowing that I am not one of those people who could mummify unnoticed in my home. We have far to many people coming over to have a absence go unnoticed, you know who you are, plus there are a couple of people at work who would physically bust down the door to slap me around if I disappeared. I have to wonder if the people who are and have lived a life unnoticed even realize it. Hmmm, like I said before it's just sad.

Another tidbit from the news a serial lingerie thief has finally been caught in Tokyo. The man has been on the loose carrying out his sick pantie thieving plans for about six years now. Six years, that's a long time to have to carry out pantie thieving, in fact if you are a master at climbing like this serial thief then you know that means you could steal 2 or 3 pair a day! That's right when they totaled all the found undies up it tallied out to 3,977 pair of panties, 355 bras, and 10 pairs of stockings. I have to admit, I'm impressed.

A new species of big cat was found. I'm thrilled, I love new species and I love big cats so this all gravy in my book. The cat is known as the Borneo Clouded Leopard, and I encourage you all to go watch the footage of it on Reuters. It is a gorgeous creature, and since it has now been found who knows how long it will have before we kill them all off.

While on Reuters I also suggest you read about the $1000.00 pizza. Yeah, I thought it sounded like a waste of money too.

Vegas Royalty

So, The Stardust in Las Vegas has died. Murdered to make way for a modern resort that will cost billions and is projected to be completed in 2010. But I ask that we take a moment and think about what we have lost. Some might think it was just a trashy tinsel building from a trashy tinsel town, and part of me is inclined to agree with you, but there is always that other side. The other side says that this hotel and casino was a record breaker in many ways from the day it was designed. It was the largest in Las Vegas for a long period of time, the venue that brought us Sigfreid and Roy, had notorious and public mob connections, and was given the largest fine ever issued by the Nevada Gaming Commission. This building as shady as it sometimes was held a wide variety of entertainments and was ever changing to please the public. It housed the famous and long past Aku Aku Polynesian restaurant with the even more popular Tiki Bar. At one time the hotel was the pinnacle of prestige, but like so many of the places and people made popular in that era it grew to be more of a symbol for the times. Never with out grander, the hotel once sought after by Howard Hughes, it went out with as much excitement as it came in. So we bid farewell to The Stardust, with all the trashy Las Vegas glamor that it held on to from the time of movie stars and the mob. Never again will anyone imagine that Elvis has walked those famous corridors one last time, day dream about the Rat Pack, or go to see Wayne Newton croon with perfect hair to a drunken crowd. There are still remnants of The Stardust around, and I am sure there always will be. You will always be able to visit those things in museums and know that some parts of Vegas will never really die.

By the by, James Brown was finally buried on Saturday in his daughters back yard. I'm not going to say anything about the choice of resting because I am just relieved he has finally been laid to rest some where.

Bury Your Dead

In all the Anna Nicole business the nation seems to have forgotten something. It is slightly understandable since Anna has eclipsed all forms of news since her death. Now the country is a buzz with the possibility of murder in her story so I am sure we will continue to hear about every Anna moment on the news for a very long and undetermined amount of time. But as our attention has been forced on Anna there is another fallen celebrity we seem to have forgotten about. Not that I spend my time fretting over celebrities, but when they are shoved in to your face repeatedly you are often forced to notice what their most recent exploits are. The fallen and too soon forgotten celebrity however was not shoved in my face, in fact a very small news link drew my attention and forced me to follow. After reading it, and feeling rather disgusted, I must say, "Will some one please, PLEASE, bury James Brown?" I mean come on! The king of soul died on Christmas, I can honestly say that he died last year and he remains unburied. He is also facing his own babies daddy issues, a common occurrence these days bringing up the concern about why these people are role models yet again. Baby daddyness aside, can we please respect the man, his music, or just the dead itself enough to either cremate him or bury him already? So far 2007 has been a celebrity obsessed necrophiliacs dream come true.

Speaking of celebrity tripe, will some one please tell the pope to lay off Bob Dylan. The man is a world changing figure representing free thinking, activism, poetry, music, and just the possibility of the greatness of life itself. What is so wrong with that? The last pope liked Dylan, but according to the new pope the last one was wrong and Bob Dylan is a false prophet. I just want to know why the one person in contact with God, according to the Catholic faith, can not take a solid stand on one man. One very great man, at that. Surely if Dylan was a false prophet then it would have been known to the last pope. Hmmm, I think the new pope should just admit that it is he himself that can not appreciate Dylan's words, and quit sending mixed messages.

And now that I have disagreed with the pope very loudly and openly I shall call it a day.

Look The Other Way

I always have intentions of fitting more then I possibly can in to a day. Or of waking up just early enough to drink my cup of coffee before I have to start my day. I think a lot of us must do this. I think not being sixteen any more has really hit home on this one. You remember what sixteen was like right? Sixteen year olds can function on zero sleep with nothing but Mountain Dew fueling their bodies. Then again sixteen also meant having my spine bent in a very uncomfortable position since my head decided it needed to be lodged up my butt! Now that I think about it I would rather have my eyes open (and in the air) then the endless energy of a teenager. I guess some things will just have to fall through the cracks and some days we will have to look the other way. Today this page has found a crack, so we turn our heads politely.

Own Up

I have had enough of people not owning up to their mistakes. For example there are a couple of women that have been arrested for armed robbery, they are eighteen and there fore they are going to be prosecuted as adults. No problem in that decision in my eyes, but now their family members are stepping up and crying out that the legal adults are just really misguided little girls who are terribly sorry for their mistake. Ahem, excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but by the age of eighteen haven't most people been taught that robbing a bank is never a good idea? I know by the age of eighteen I knew very well that if I was going to rob a bank I would most likely get caught and go to jail for a very long time. As I have no desire in being turned in to anybodies bitch I have stayed on the non-bank robbing side of the law. Will someone please slap these women for thinking their mommies can save them and slap the mothers upside their heads for raising stupid children. Come on people just own up to the responsibility, you did it, you are on tape, you where caught in the get away car for the love of all things minty, just say "I was caught, I was stupid!" These women laughed on camera while pulling the job, they were having a good time with it all, and I am sure they would not have felt a single regret if they had managed to get away with it.
It's not just these two masters of crime though, every where you look our society has fallen to the 'It's not my fault' virus. If you did it then it is your fault, accept it. I don't care if you were adopted and you are angry about that you do not now or ever have the excuse to murder a homeless man! I don't care if you are a drunk, you do not have the right to steal a wedding video, it is just morally wrong! People like this will be taken to court and be prosecuted in one way or the other. They should just own up to their stupidity, their mistakes, and quit blaming the problems they have not been strong enough to deal with. We all have problems, and if killing, stealing, lying, and just acting completely morally corrupt was an acceptable way of dealing with these problems then my backyard would look like the after math of the battle at Thermopylae! That said, I move on to other news.

28 packages left China containing body parts destined for a medical research lab. The catch is that there was a problem with the delivery service and these packages have been scattered about the country. A Michigan couple received two packages they expected to contain furniture parts. They were greatly surprised to find one human liver and one human head. So, if you get any strange packages from China be warned and expect something grisly.

It is the Sig's birthday today! Happy 28th dearest.